i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
