Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
