escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
