Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
