i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
