I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
