yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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