I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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