I puked a lego.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
