I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
