who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
