I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is wine microwaveable?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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