Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
