i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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