dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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