OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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