I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
