I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
