i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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