she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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