Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
