He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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