You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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