i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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