Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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