That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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