i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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