woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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