You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
