wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
