Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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