I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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