we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
