I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
