idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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