wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
