This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
