Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
