i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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