there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
