i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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