he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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