I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
