He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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