And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
