If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
