I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
