omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
