you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
