um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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