4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Your face is a jimmy john
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
