Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
