She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
