All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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