evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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